


An odd way to propose

by orphan_account



Category: Stand Still Stay Silent
Genre: Gen, Norwegian zombies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-31
Updated: 2016-10-31
Packaged: 2018-08-28 03:52:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8430754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “You know, when you said your family had a curse, I thought I’d be dealing with a were-lynx.”





	

**Author's Note:**

> Btw, Helviti translates to 'Hel's punishment'. It references just the act of having to go to Helheim because you had the nerve to die of old age instead of in battle, so I lifted the phrase to refer to the zombie-things Lalli has to deal with. I think I spelled it wrong?
> 
> Happy Halloween!

“You know, when you said your family had a curse, I thought I’d be dealing with a were-lynx.”

This remark is so random and unexpected that Lalli actually pauses in mid-swing of his pukko, turns and stares at his boyfriend. This also gives the Helviti that is still in the process of trying for his jugular a chance at it- the body of a long-dead woman leaps onto his back and begins to gnash at his neck. Uselessly, because human teeth were largely made for bringing terror to vegetation rather than flesh, and because the hood of his cloak gets in the way.  
Lalli retreats and slams the woman into the trunk of a tree once, twice, three times, more ribs splintering against his back each time, until she finally falls off. He puts his boot through her skull and grimaces in disgust as its dusty contents spill out.

Meanwhile Emil happily chats away to himself, swinging his knife and aiming his rifle as the demands come. He holds his own quite easily as the veritable horde of the dead tramp out of the dark forest. Their arms are out-stretched for him. They weep and spit dust and bring with them the smell of things which rotted long ago; so dead that not even bacteria can bring itself to lodge in the tissue and make fresh smells. Emil makes a slight squealing noise every time a piece of the dust-innards strikes the ground near him, which is often.

“I mean at first I thought ‘oh Lallicat’s just exaggerating. He’s probably just got really bad hayfever’.”

Lalli snorts “I said ‘curse’ not allergies.”  
He decapitates the Helviti of a large man with some impressive facial hair, and dodges out of the way as the massive corpse threatens to teeter on top of him.

Emil uses the butt of his rifle to smack a particularly fast one between the eyes, yelping when the rifle passes through and keeps going into the exposed ribcage of another standing behind the first. By the time Lalli has moved in to help, Emil’s already gotten his gun free and blown the second Helviti out of the mortal coil (again) with a quick shot.  
“And then I started to take you seriously. I didn’t take what you said about magic seriously, and look where that got me- almost eaten by a handsy horse.”

Shuddering at the memory, Lalli vents some vestigial anger about the attack with a well-placed kick that takes off a particularly shot Helviti’s head.

“And when I did start to believe you? Gods, the possibilities were endless. I’m still half-heathen and I don’t know much about the magical world. What could you be?” Emil pauses to centre his rifle, and fires “Maybe some kind of weird näkki? That’d explain your luonto’s name. Maybe a demigod? Then it came to me. Your cousin can turn his head almost all the way around. Owls can only do that because they have extra bones in the neck. So obviously mages assume some physical traits from their luonto and fylgja. Reynir likes to bury bones, you like to sleep in sunbeams.”

“How is ‘were-lynx’ a natural progression from recognising that I’m a little bit cat-like?”

“You,” Emil points an accusing finger “Are under-selling yourself. You couldn’t be more of a cat-man if you played with yarn and got stoned on cat-nip.”

Can’t argue with that. “Em. In front of you.”

Emil turns around and has to duck the claws of a Helviti that looks suspiciously like Lalli’s high-school Math teacher. He squints, searching for the bulbous nose that earned the teacher the moniker of ‘Mr Mushroom-nose’ and is faintly relieved that he cannot find it. Then the Helviti’s head pops off like a cork bobbing to the surface of water, and the corpse sags onto Emil. 

Lalli drags Emil out from under the thing, but not before Emil is liberally dusted with the grey, ashy insides of the Helviti.  
Thankfully Emil seems beyond the point of caring- even though some of it is in his hair. Putting his back to Lalli’s, he continues shooting and stabbing and gabbing away as if nothing happened.

“I was mentally preparing myself for this day for nine months. Every time the moon was full, I thought ‘this is the night’. You’d told me of the curse, so every time a moon rolled by I thought you would finish your story. But you never did.”

“I’m sorry-”

“Oh hush, there’s nothing to apologise for. I understand. You thought I might end it if I knew what your family curse really was.”

“I knew you wouldn’t. That’s why I didn’t tell you. I knew you’d be out here, hip-deep in trouble beside me.”

He can hear the shit-eating grin in Emil’s voice “Trust you to worry about my hips. Where was I?”

“I never told you what was up.”

An especially intrepid Helviti tries to lunge between them. They stab it in unison, a blade into each eye-socket. 

“Ah, yes. So you never explained yourself completely. Still, come every full moon, I would watch you do your thing with Kuutar and the other spirits with bated breath. I thought you’d rip your human skin off at any moment and sidle off into the woods as a lynx.”

Lalli can’t help but laugh at the image of himself discarding his skin for fur and frolicking as a lynx “You have enough imagination for both of us.”

“Luckily, or you’d be out here on your own. I was going to confront you tonight, you know. It’s not the full moon, but I thought I might catch you on a night a few nights before to get you used to the idea of being watched while you transform. Easter is almost here, and I didn’t want something like this between us during the holiday.”

“And instead of that, you found me surrounded by dead people.” concludes Lalli “Sorry about that.”

He feels his boyfriend shrug “At least I don’t have to worry about furry lynx children. Or about you being a lynx-man on Easter night. And this explains where you go two days before Easter, every single fucking year. I was beginning to think you just couldn’t stand the pre-Easter warm-ups or something.”

“No. I like your family.” granted, he is visited by the urge to bury the Norns up to their necks in the backyard when they pull out the feathered sticks and start smacking anyone who comes within their reach.

Emil sighs “Good, I’m glad. They love you too…so how long does this go on?”

“Until they stop coming. She tries to exhaust me most years. I can’t use magic against her, otherwise-”

“Näkki would be out here cussing and scratching and biting.” finishes Emil.  
He then clamps his mouth shut to head-butt a Helviti full in the face, his rifle and knife being otherwise engaged with other targets.

From somewhere towards the back of Lalli’s head, Näkki pipes up “He’s cute when he’s killing stuff. We should propose.”

Be quiet, responds Lalli, not while we’re in the middle of this.

“Hey, if he agrees to marry our weird ass while we’re battling the family curse, it’s a sign from the gods. Västerström was meant to take all our weirdness and love it.” retorts Näkki “Oh, look at that one! Looks like Tuuri’s ex-girlfriend!”

It does, but isn’t. With another request that Näkki please shut his yapping maw Lalli scoops up a stone and nails the Helviti in the forehead. Mercifully, Näkki falls silent. 

Lalli gets the feeling they will not have to fight much longer. On average, Hel’s onslaught lasts for about an hour, and it has already been longer than that. Emil broke the silence only moments ago because he was too busy cussing out the Helviti to form an intelligent sentence. Their ranks seem to be thinning as well. The larger Helviti come much more slowly, whereas at the beginning, Lalli had to fell Helviti that were at least two heads higher than him about three times a minute. Now all that is left are the sickly ones, whom it has taken over an hour to struggle from the earth and stagger over.  
The last wave of them is half a dozen strong. Emil dispatches the very last one with a bullet, but keeps his gun up and levelled at the forest after it has fallen.

Lalli squeezes his shoulder “That’s it.”

He is still tense “Are you sure?”

“Yes.”  
If only there were a way he could prepare Emil for what’s coming next. In the heat of the battle, Lalli didn’t want to mention the much bigger, much more terrifying thing that is coming for them, and needlessly distract Emil from what was trying to kill them at that present moment.

And it comes just when Emil has finally lowered his rifle. A clap of thunder. Not from above them, but from beneath them. Lalli pushes Emil behind him as a jagged bolt of white light bursts from the ground, ripping open a wide fissure. A pale hand clasps the side of the fissure. A skeletal hand reaches for the other side.  
With one swift movement, a half a woman heaves herself out of the crack in the ground. She is naked and grey-skinned. One breast swings pendulously and smacks into her the other half of her chest, the half which is not clothed in flesh, with the effort of pulling herself up and out. Her limp black hair is longer than it was last time. Lalli wonders vaguely if they have scissors in Helheim.

“Hotakainen,” she wheezes, straightening “I see you have survived another- who the fuck is that?”

Emil peers around Lalli’s shoulder and gives a little wave “Uh, I’m Lalli’s boyfriend.”

Hel cocks a wispy eyebrow “What in my unholy name are you doing out here?”

“Participating in the family curse, I suppose.”

“You do not seem surprised to find your partner has a curse from Helheim attached to his name.”

Emil shrugs and comes to stand side-by-side with Lalli “I was attacked by a ghost with horse hands instead of feet when I was nineteen. Ever since then, it’s been really hard to surprise me with anything.”

Hel seems put out by this. She shuffles her feet and glances around, like there might be an audience to this unusual humiliation.  
“Ordinarily I would taunt your partner about the inevitability of his death and my subsequent capture of his soul. You see, his grandmother brought the curse upon her family. The idea is that whichever Hotakainen dies by my hand is mine to torment forever in the realm of Helheim. I have already claimed his father, grandmother, mother, aunt and uncle-”

“Yes, I’m aware of that.” says Lalli irritably.

Emil squeezes his shoulder “So…so let me guess, you have a chance to try to kill him once every year? Two days before Easter?”

Hel nods, the skull half of her head glinting dully in the moon “Yes. The anniversary of the day his grandmother first summoned me.”

“Why did she summon you?”

“She was seventeen and stupid.” supplies Lalli “Thought this whole thing was Lempo’s fault and was trying to pull him up and bully him into taking the Rash back. She got Hel instead. Hel cursed her for daring to disturb her.”

“And here we are.” finishes Hel. She turns her wan eye and socket on Lalli “I hope you do not think you can weasel out of this curse by marrying out of your name. You are fated to endure the Helviti for your family until you die, by my hand, and then the duty will pass to your younger cousin, and then your elder cousin will be alone in the world. It is likely he will embrace me, if only to be allowed to join all he has lost.”

Lalli doesn’t say anything. Hel doesn’t say anything more. For a long moment, the two hold each other’s gaze. A giantess towering over a man so slim it seems he might snap under the weight of her eyes. God and mortal.

And, of course, Emil, who takes it upon himself to break the silence “So, same time next year?”

“What.” Hel stares at him.

“I’ll be taking the Hotakainen name. At some point in the near future ( a significant glance at Lalli) so this curse is mine as well. Is it against the, uh, the curse law for me to help Lalli?”

“Well, no, but-”

“Then we’ll see you next year.” says Emil firmly.  
Hel is at a loss for words. So, saying nothing, she turns and clambers back into her fissure. With one last bewildered and bitter look at Emil, Hel grips the edge of the fissure and somehow compels the ground to zip up over her into a whole once more. Only the swathe of dead flowers and grass where she stood gives any sign that Hel was ever there at all.

 

The front door slams. The Norns give their welcoming shriek. A moment later, Lalli comes into the kitchen with two of them hanging off his arms, and Emil follows with the third on his back. 

Siv looks up from her book and smiles, gesturing to the empty chairs “I was getting worried about you two. I thought you said you would be back an hour after dark.”

Lalli shrugs apologetically “We got a little turned around.”

“You’re a terrible night-scout!” crows Malin.

“You should fire yourself!” shrieks Sayyida.

“Death to the awful night-scout!” squeals Nils, just before he is shaken from his cousin’s back so Emil can sit down.

Fortunately, Trond summons the Norns for their bed-time ritual and the three scurry away obediently, leaving the adults to their conversation.  
Siv shuts her books and scrutinises her nephew and his boyfriend. She can tell something has passed between them, but cannot begin to identify what.

“What’s that dust all over you?”

“Nothing.” Lalli shoots a side-ways look at Emil “You want to tell her?”

Siv is suspicious “Tell me what?”

Emil gives a nervous chuckle and looks to the ground, his face turning red “Well, what would you think about having another nephew?”

It takes Siv a long moment to understand what she has been told. When she does, her jaw drops open.

“Seems like the natural thing to do.” Lalli reaches for Emil’s hand and squeezes “We’ve been together for four years now. It’s a little unnecessary, but if I die in action then Emil has a right to some kind of monetary compensation.”

“Which I won’t get, because you’re not going to die.” Emil adds.

Siv has begun to cry “Oh my gods, I so hoped this day would come! Welcome to the family, Lalli.” she practically leaps across the table and sweeps him up in a hug.

He pats her stiffly on the back “Glad to be here.”


End file.
